Happy

I am brimmingly happy.
Brimmingly, overwhelmingly happy.
I do not care to find out why.
Whatever it was that happened
With the stars, the stares, the starts,
I do not wish to know.
I am just, for the first time,
In a very long once upon a time,
Simply, purely happy.

Silent Night

It's almost Christmas and my birthday.
My mother hasn't talked to me for 2 months now. I don't know exactly what I've done. I'm beyond my wits when she clams up like this because it has always been a sign that I have done something she didn't approve of, or I haven't done what she expected me to.
On the other hand, I haven't communicated with my father for a little over three months now. Not after confronting his 25-year-old girlfriend. With my sister's mother.
Silences mean more than words where my family, or what remains of it, is concerned.
I don't know if I prefer the loudness of shouting and cursing or the loudness of silence. I'm guessing they're equally evil.
There is another silence my family imbibes: the silence of emotion. For hugs, I turn to my pillows and my trusty teddy of 15 years. For warmth, I dive under layers of sheets.
This is the stuff telenovelas are made of. I'd kill for a regular life. But I've a feeling that's just as evil.
Sometimes it's hard to find goodness in this world, when your own heart has run out of it.

Dark Green and Grayed Out

My big boss has an extensive and expensive fountain pen collection. My other bosses have dolls, think Mistula, and long boards.
I'm thinking why I don't have any collection, no interesting quirk, no same-feather community. Obviously I can't afford even to think of buying a hand-crafted fountain pen. And although I do have stuffed toys at home, they're more of for sentiment, like the one that's just 5 years younger than me, than for dressing up and going to goth doll conventions. As for longboarding, well, suffice it to say that I should not be entrusted with anything with wheels.
Back in my saner days, I had a short-lived stamp collection. But that was as far as collections went for me.

I want to collect something. I want to belong to some quirky club. But right now I'm dark green and grayed out.